"The Groper"

I've had multiple requests to post details on The Groper...so here you go...

Everything started out good.  We went through the Guided Communication and exchanged phone numbers.  We spoke a few times before deciding to meet on Christmas Day...how romantic...NOT!  We met at Starbucks and the conversation began well.  I should have known something was up (pun intended) when he wanted to sit outside where there weren't as many people around.  

I was talking about my son's car being stolen and how there was information on Viagra left in the car when it was returned to him.  I thought this was funny, not an open topic for discussion.  He proceeds to tell me how much he enjoys sex and how often he likes to partake in sexual activity (multiple times a week).  I'm sitting there drinking my chai tea latte.  I can't believe I'm hearing this.  I just met him.  I tried changing the subject many times to no avail.  Wait...what?  Is he telling me a story about a "friend" who took Viagra and had an erection for 6 hrs?  Really?  I just met you!!  That's my cue!  Time to go. 

He walked me to my car...  He went in for the kiss.  I turned my head, so he kissed my cheek.  He then hugged me...a little too tight.  Is that biscotti in your pocket?  I pulled away, completely disgusted, and he's just staring at me.  Well, not me, but my breasts...really?  It was so bad, I even asked what he was staring at and grabbed them.  Maybe they were drooping down to my waist and my bra wasn't doing it's job (I have given birth multiple times you know).  No, he was just checking me out.  Enough.  I turn my back to get into my car and he smacked my ass...yes, he smacked that ass.  WTH?  Is this really happening?  Is this really the guy who said he was at Christmas Eve Service the night before?  So I backed my ass into the car, which is a difficult feat when you are driving a Tahoe and I drove away.  

He continued to text me that evening.  I ignored him.  I was trying to salvage my Christmas Day.  He finally understood and stopped texting me...although, he has checked out my profile multiple times since that day.  Some men just don't get it.

Intro to eHarmony

After some of my nightmare dating experiences in the past, I quickly went running to eHarmony.

Before I get into my stories, let me give you a quick run down of the eHarmony process.  I fill out a questionnaire - a very long questionnaire.  I guess it serves it purpose since this is what is used to find my "matches".  Then I fill out my profile: my age, occupation, kids/no kids, a little about myself.  Off to the side, I can list my fave sports, TV shows, movies, books, etc...  Using all this information, "matches" are found.  Everyday I am sent a list of new "matches".  I can then view their profiles and their pictures and decide if any of them stand out to me...like the man who posted the picture of him and his mother.  He should have just put a caption that said "Mama's Boy".

I can choose to send an "Icebreaker" - a list of statements eHarmony has already chosen - or I can start the "Guided Communication".  There are 4 steps to Guided Communication.  

Step 1: Get to Know Each Other - Choose from a list of questions (with multiple choice answers) to send to my match.  Once he answers, then he can send me his questions.

Step 2:   Must Haves & Can't Stands - self explanatory...

Step 3:  Learn More About Him - more questions, but you have to write in your answers instead of multiple choice.

Step 4: eHarmony mail - a safe way to communicate without giving your information out - unless you want to.

I had one match skip through all guided communication and go straight to step 4.  He said his membership was almost up and he gave me his number so I could call him...uuggghhhh...keep waiting buddy...keep waiting.

For whatever reason, these men don't know how to use spell check...maybe it's like asking for directions?  A couple of typos?  Maybe.   When there are typos in every section of their profile?  Forget it.  Not happening.  

Another thing that is a huge turn off is when there is scripture quoted EVERYWHERE!  Any one who knows me, knows I am a Christian woman.  I just don't think it is something you need to stamp all over your profile.  If it is genuine, it will show.  For example, The Groper stated he was looking for a woman he could "pray with"...really?  Are you praying while you try and make out with her at your first meeting?  Are you praying while you're trying to grab her ass?  ...wow...

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are nice men out there.  I just haven't come across them...yet. 

Until next time...I have to go check today's matches!

New to blogging and eHarmony! LOL!

I have never done this before, so please be patient with me.  I am a divorced (2x), mother of 4 and have recently started dating...uggghhhh.  I also recently signed on to eHarmony.  In telling a few friends and family about my "matches" and what I have thus far experienced, I have been prodded to write this all down...so, here I am. 

What an experience so far.  I have had 2 meetings and have met "the yawner" and "the groper".  I have also had several conversations with "Mr. Scientology".  Thank God I have a decent sense of humor!  I am able to laugh and learn from my experiences.  Some of the things these men write in their profiles are unbelievable...like the one who posted pictures with his mother.  Really?  Or the one who specifically asked for those who are interested in him to tell him if they have STD's.  ...wow...

So, join me in my journey and we can laugh...and learn...and laugh some more...together.